It's a Quidditch Thing
by imSiriuslyLupin4you
Summary: Okay, so most of you have probably heard of the show MadTV. This is based off the sketch 'It's a Football Thing.' Light Slash
1. Chapter 1

_(Okay, so you all probably know about Madtv. If you don't it's a great show that was cancelled *__**sob**__* (Why Madtv was cancelled and not Saturday Night Live wasn't is still a mystery to me) Anyway this is based off a sketch called "It's a Football Thing" I obviously don't own Harry Potter, and most of the dialogue is stolen from the sketch. Enjoy and comment!)_

Sirius Black and Remus Lupin sat on a comfy couch in the Gryffindor common room, listening to the big quidditch match on Sirius' Wireless Wizarding Radio.

"And Harper's got the quaffel! And she's going for the goal…and…and… HARPER SCORES!"

"WOOOOOOO!" Sirius jumped up, scattering various sweet wrappers onto the ground and a slightly annoyed werewolf. "We're winning, Moony!"

"Oh really, Sirius? I had no idea." Remus said irritably, brushing the candy wrappers off his robes.

"Yes! Pity James landed himself in detention. He'd love this." Sirius stretched. "Hey, Moony, wanna butterbeer?"

"No, thank you. I have to help Lily with her transfiguration essay in about an hour."

Sirius smirked. "Prongs is gonna be pissed. Good luck, Mate."

"Thank you, ever so much."

"Wronski has seen the snitch! He's diving for it… Halls is following… Oh, My Lord they're going to crash… No, it looks like Wronski was feinting! Halls pulls out of the dive just in time!"

"OHHHHH!" This time Remus leapt out of his seat, along with Sirius. "Yes! Yes!" they hugged in the way that only over-exited-testosterone-fueled quidditch fans could. "Yes! Ye-mmmmmm!" Suddenly, Remus was kissing Sirius, or maybe Sirius was kissing Remus. Remus flung his arms around Sirius' neck and Sirius started to drag his hands over Remus' torso. They jerked apart as quickly as they started.

"W-what was that?" Remus stuttered, looking quite frightened. "What just happened?"

Sirius opened and closed his mouth several times before pointing at the radio. "Wronski feinted."

"No! Not that. I know Wronski feinted. I'm talking about the other part."

"You mean the part where we snogged?"

"Yes, that part. What was that?"

Sirius shrugged. "It was nothing."

Remus nodded. "Right. It was just a thing."

"Yeah."

"A quidditch thing."

"Yeah."

"It happens all the time!"

"Yeah." Sirius sighed and rubbed the back of his neck. "Do you honestly think so?"

"Not really."

Sirius nodded. "So…so what does this mean? Are we gay?"

"No!" Remus looked panicked "No… I mean, I don't know. Were you…were you exited?"

"NO!" Sirius exclaimed much too quickly and loudly to be believable. "Well… yes. I was… I was a little bit exited." A look of pure horror passed over Sirius' face. "Oh, God, does that make me gay?"

"No, of course not." Remus said unconvincingly. "Well… yes. A little bit. A little bit gay."

"So we're a little bit gay?" Sirius looked uncertain.

"Yes… I mean no! no, we're just two blokes that got exited and snogged for a bit."

"I dunno, Mate. That still sounds a bit gay to me."

The two wizards were distracted by the voice of an announcer on the radio. "Bagman hits the buldger… and… OH! A perfect shot! Lantz spins out of control!"

"YEAH!" Sirius cheered and grabbed Remus, crushing their lips together. Remus responded eagerly and wrapped his legs around Sirius' waist. They fell onto the crimson couch still violently kissing. Coming to his senses Sirius lurched away from Remus.

"Oh my Wizard God! What in the name of all that is Magical is going on?" Sirius Yelled, clutching at his hair and looking quite demented.

Remus cleared his throat and adjusted his robes before answering the dismayed Sirius. "I think…we may be…gay."

"You really think so?"

Remus nodded. "Yeah."

Sirius sat next to Remus. "So what do we do?"

"I'm not sure. I've never been in this type of situation before."

"Should we go to a gay bar? I hear its karaoke night down at the Cackling Witch."

Remus shook his head. "I don't think that would be the best idea."

"Should we light some scented candles? I think we could borrow some from Alice Jones." Remus stared at Sirius as if he were insane. "Right. Never mind then."

"Lets not jump to conclusions." Remus said calmly. "Just because a couple of mates kiss, and grope a little, and one of them whispers to the other, 'I know I'm a bloke, but I want you to shag me like I'm a girl', that doesn't make them gay."

Sirius looked confused. "When did that happen?"

Remus sighed. "Listen, I've got to go meet Lily at the library. You're not going to be weird about this are you?"

"No, of course not. Are you?"

"No."

"Right then." They stared awkwardly at each other for a few moments.

Remus broke the silence. "Well, I …uh… I have to gay...GO! I have to go."

"Later, Mate." Sirius leaned close to Remus, and gave the werewolf a quick sloppy smooch on the mouth. "Have fun being boring."

"Thanks." Remus grinned and started to leave the Common Room. "See you later, Padfoot."

About half an hour later a purple polka-dotted James Potter and Peter Pettigrew entered the Gryffindor Common Room.

"Just passed Evens on her way to the library." James grunted when he saw Sirius. "Hey, are you listening to the Quidditch game?"


	2. Chapter 2

**Okay, so I was doing my Parzival homework, and suddenly I was somehow inspired. So…. ENJOY!**

James sighed, and cast a forlorn glance at Peter. "When's Moony getting back from the Library? I need him to do my Ancient Runes essay for me."

Peter looked up at James and frowned slightly. "Prongs, don't you mean you 'want him to _help_ you with your Ancient Runes essay'?"

"Didn't I say that?"

"No, you did not."

"Oh."

The two boys sat on their respective beds for a few more moments before James decided to break the silence one more. "Peter?"

"Hm?"

"I'm bored."

"Well, hello Bored. My name is Peter Adam Pettigrew, but all my friends call me Peter. How do you do?"

James glared at Peter. "Tell me Peter… were you _trying_ to be sarcastic? 'Cause if you were you failed. Epically. It was an epic fail."

"Your _face_ is an epic fail…" Peter muttered angrily.

"Where's Pads?" James asked, ignoring Peter's insult.

"He's still downstairs. In the common room."

James groaned loudly. "In the _Common Room_? But that's so _far_!"

Peter rolled his eyes. "Just go."

James groaned loudly and rolled off of his bed onto the floor, where he rolled to the door. Bumping into it, James glared at the offending piece of wood… why did the door handle have to be so far up? "Peter. Help me up."

"No." Peter called from his bed. "Do it yourself, you Lazy Antler-Headed Thing."

"But its so haaaard…"

"Prongs… seriously?"

James sighed and dragged himself to his feet. Then he tromped down the stairs. Entering the Common Room, James started to speak. "Hey, Pads… do you know where Moony is- _oh_."

There's nothing as shocking, traumatizing, and _utterly mind blowing_ as walking in on your two best _male _and _supposedly straight _friends eating each others faces as though they were covered in Mrs. Potter's famous American style barbeque sauce, or (in Moony's case) chocolate sauce.

"Mmmm, yeah… _polish _that broomstick…"

'_Oh my Wizard GOD…_' James felt himself slowly backing up, until his foot hit the stairs. Then he turned and ran back up to the Dormitory. Peter looked up at him in surprise.

"Wasn't Sirius down there?"

"No… no he was… I just didn't feel like interrupting him and Moony."

"Interrupt what?"

"Let's just say that I'm never going to be able to watch Quidditch the same way again."

And that's why when Gryffindor was playing Slytherin during the last match of the season, James was playing the position of Keeper with his eyes closed, thus, costing his House the game.


End file.
